After today's long run, the t-shirt says it all. I am all finished with anything vaguely grown up.
I'm now on week three of very poor sleep, and I'm struggling. Life has been stressful for the same three weeks, one of my children is Autistic along with a host of other difficulties and is going through a bad patch, therefore we are all going through a bad patch, and I am getting nowhere near enough sleep. All the things that were making marathon training great, the feeling of getting stronger, of being tired in my legs but knowing I'd recover well enough for the next day and the next, of feeling like I was facing up to a tough challenge and giving it a metaphorical punch in the face and showing it who was boss, are gone.
I'm a bit of a feeble wreck and trying to bull through what I can do on sheer determination. The problem is that requires a lot of mental strength and self belief and for me at least, it's one of the first things that goes when I'm seriously sleep deprived for an extended period of time. I have had to accept cutting my mileage, dropping a mid-week run, because without sleep my body isn't physically recovering quickly enough to do it, but also a lot of the problems are in my head and I'm finding when the runs get tough, in my head I've already beaten myself into a "I just can't do this" place. I need to try and work on that part because that's something I can change.
I'm now on week three of very poor sleep, and I'm struggling. Life has been stressful for the same three weeks, one of my children is Autistic along with a host of other difficulties and is going through a bad patch, therefore we are all going through a bad patch, and I am getting nowhere near enough sleep. All the things that were making marathon training great, the feeling of getting stronger, of being tired in my legs but knowing I'd recover well enough for the next day and the next, of feeling like I was facing up to a tough challenge and giving it a metaphorical punch in the face and showing it who was boss, are gone.
I'm a bit of a feeble wreck and trying to bull through what I can do on sheer determination. The problem is that requires a lot of mental strength and self belief and for me at least, it's one of the first things that goes when I'm seriously sleep deprived for an extended period of time. I have had to accept cutting my mileage, dropping a mid-week run, because without sleep my body isn't physically recovering quickly enough to do it, but also a lot of the problems are in my head and I'm finding when the runs get tough, in my head I've already beaten myself into a "I just can't do this" place. I need to try and work on that part because that's something I can change.
So after my two runs earlier in the week yesterday was just a parkrun at the top end of tempo pace, with a couple of miles tagged on either side at a steady pace. This wasn't actually too daunting, this is a run I have done utterly shattered on many occasions and I know it's a drag running knackered but I can do it. I misjudged the warm up distance making myself and a friend late in the process, and ended up chasing down the back of the field and running through and round everyone, along with a little detour to check on someone. However, that said, I ran 6:45s and while it was harder work than it should have been, it was conversational and I had a smile on my face. I enjoy parkrun and the community even when I'm not there to really push it.
The relatively steady parkrun still took more out of my legs than it should have done, again I know this is down to lack of sleep to let my body recuperate, and I can do nothing about it. Frustration really set in last night and I had another terrible night. Today was to be our first 22 mile run, and I was seriously worried about completing it. I was shattered, my head was pounding, and my stomach was showing all the warning signs of an imminent bout of the runs. I can see the irony in the fact that running sometimes gives me the runs, and it's usually when I'm more tired, but it does not make it any less frustrating.
This morning's 22 miler was a completely flat one with a plan to run it more steadily than the previous couple of 20 milers in a hope that my legs would recover well enough to do some good sessions in the week. The plan was 8:15s to 8:30s which we by and large stuck to.
I ran again with two lovely ladies, Stacey who just joined us for the first 8 or so miles, and Sophie who was along for the whole fun ride. My first mistake was a wrong turn which meant I had to completely rethink the route on the run or we were going to be looking at 24 miles instead of 22. I literally cannot get through the most basic run without going the wrong damn way it seems. I knew where I was going, but was too busy gassing away and missed a turn. Plonker!
I worked out a roughly 22 mile route in my head but it did mean taking in some hills early on in the run, which was hard today. Most of my previous long runs have been hilly, but today this hills were hard. Although heart rate recovers nicely on the down, it's more taken out of already tired legs that wasn't coming back again.
The relatively steady parkrun still took more out of my legs than it should have done, again I know this is down to lack of sleep to let my body recuperate, and I can do nothing about it. Frustration really set in last night and I had another terrible night. Today was to be our first 22 mile run, and I was seriously worried about completing it. I was shattered, my head was pounding, and my stomach was showing all the warning signs of an imminent bout of the runs. I can see the irony in the fact that running sometimes gives me the runs, and it's usually when I'm more tired, but it does not make it any less frustrating.
This morning's 22 miler was a completely flat one with a plan to run it more steadily than the previous couple of 20 milers in a hope that my legs would recover well enough to do some good sessions in the week. The plan was 8:15s to 8:30s which we by and large stuck to.
I ran again with two lovely ladies, Stacey who just joined us for the first 8 or so miles, and Sophie who was along for the whole fun ride. My first mistake was a wrong turn which meant I had to completely rethink the route on the run or we were going to be looking at 24 miles instead of 22. I literally cannot get through the most basic run without going the wrong damn way it seems. I knew where I was going, but was too busy gassing away and missed a turn. Plonker!
I worked out a roughly 22 mile route in my head but it did mean taking in some hills early on in the run, which was hard today. Most of my previous long runs have been hilly, but today this hills were hard. Although heart rate recovers nicely on the down, it's more taken out of already tired legs that wasn't coming back again.
The stomach problems started about mile 5. Luckily my changed route had toilets just after which I used. Could this be the problem sorted? Oh ho ho ho, no. Not at all. After using a gel at mile 10 things got really interesting. We stopped for a bush break at mile 12 conveniently on the path everyone was using to get to the cross country. Not the most privacy one could have for anything really. By this point I was questioning my ability to finish the run. I'm pretty chatty on long runs but every ounce of my strength was just going into putting one foot in front of the other again and again. I was struggling badly and Sophie very kindly suggested that if we didn't make 22 today it would be OK, we have more long runs to go. Having actually said I'm not sure I can do it, stubbornness kicked in. I wasn't injured, I was in no pain above and beyond extreme tiredness, I was running with good form and not risking injuring myself, I was finishing this bugger come what may.
The subsequent 10 miles were incredibly tough and not at all fun. My stomach continued to be dodgy and I had to make a couple more stops which I'm sure was contributing towards dehydration towards the end of the run. Sophie was a star, talked to me the whole way round, accepted my frequent toilet stops and looked incredibly strong along with it despite having done somewhat more mileage than me this week.
That brings me on to one of the biggest positives for me about marathon training which has been getting to know the wonderful Sophie Eadsforth, a great runner who doubts her own abilities too much! We've done most of our long runs together and while it started as an arrangement of convenience after a random conversation at a cross country race I've really enjoyed her company on the long runs. It's also been wonderful to see her growing stronger and more confident throughout the training from the person who was concerned about slowing people down on the first couple of runs, to the person who helped drag my sorry ass around this morning's 22 miles of hell with a smile.
Sophie, I am absolutely sure you are going to smash the hell out of your first marathon!
Next week is more of the same, although with more mid-week mileage and a shorter long run, whether I get enough sleep or not I'll push through it as much as I can. I may have to accept that I need to compromise my goals if the current lack of sleep continues and be realistic about the time I am likely to be able to complete the marathon in. For now, we did it!
The subsequent 10 miles were incredibly tough and not at all fun. My stomach continued to be dodgy and I had to make a couple more stops which I'm sure was contributing towards dehydration towards the end of the run. Sophie was a star, talked to me the whole way round, accepted my frequent toilet stops and looked incredibly strong along with it despite having done somewhat more mileage than me this week.
That brings me on to one of the biggest positives for me about marathon training which has been getting to know the wonderful Sophie Eadsforth, a great runner who doubts her own abilities too much! We've done most of our long runs together and while it started as an arrangement of convenience after a random conversation at a cross country race I've really enjoyed her company on the long runs. It's also been wonderful to see her growing stronger and more confident throughout the training from the person who was concerned about slowing people down on the first couple of runs, to the person who helped drag my sorry ass around this morning's 22 miles of hell with a smile.
Sophie, I am absolutely sure you are going to smash the hell out of your first marathon!
Next week is more of the same, although with more mid-week mileage and a shorter long run, whether I get enough sleep or not I'll push through it as much as I can. I may have to accept that I need to compromise my goals if the current lack of sleep continues and be realistic about the time I am likely to be able to complete the marathon in. For now, we did it!
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